My All-NBA team… For Business?!?!
When I was attending classes at the Humberto de Alencar Castelo Branco School for Economics, there was a common saying amongst my TA’s. “Datapoints that imply psynergistic solutions may seem accommodating, but examining peer marketing trends to truly find where branding opportunities manifest.” I often thought about that as I worked at the local Red Box as an unpaid intern, spinning the sign that directed customers to the vending machine. Though I was inside this Shrek costume, there was no reason that I couldn’t impose a little of my own flair into the business and stand out to the Junior Reigonal Assistant of Marketing and Strategies, Burt Clampus. My head dancing with great way to impress Mr. Clampus, I set to work perfecting my Shrek roleplay for the RedBox customers.
With every “donkey what am I?”, I could feel more of my own insecurities melting away and Shrek’s raw confidence begin to shine through. I continued screaming “Ogres have layers’ into my bathroom mirror until 3am at which point I fell asleep until the sink and slept through my 5am-8pm internship shift and was fired on the spot. Even after being fired however, I still wore the Shrek costume out on various job interviews. After all, being Shrek made me feel confident and you’ve got to strike while that confidence iron is HOT!
The point is, that I made the crucial mistake of forgetting who I am. I don’t have the raw electric charisma of a Burt Clampus and I tried to hide that deficiency within the effortless cool of Shrek to hide that fact. Burt would often tell me how easily replaceable I was, and it was my fault for taking that time off when I concussed myself misreading the crowd at the karaoke bar for a stage dive. Blood in the urine or no blood in the urine, the grind doesn’t take days off. The Cranberries would have been ashamed
I tell this story, because it gave me some valuable insight to how to cast my ballot, should I be granted one for the NBA’s end of season awards. Too often in sports we get too hung up on the athletic components and don’t spend enough time one what is really drawing people to the games.
The business decisions. After all, there would be no NBA without the hard work of the owners, and that effort has trickled down to make the NBA one of the most successful and lucrative leagues in the world. If you need any evidence of how hard being an owner is, look at Michael Jordan who dominated the NBA with ease, but struggles with the day-in day-out grind of ownership.
That begs the question, which of today’s NBA stars has the chops to step up and make the cut in the hardest job in sports as a business owner?
I give you my All-NBA Business First Team
#1 LeBron James
Is it any coincidence that the NBA’s coolest and best player is also one of the most successful businessmen? I think not! James is a master of psychology, utilizing social media to influence others subliminally using strategies eerily similar to those in Sun Tzu’s Art of War. Klutch Sports is a powerful entity within the NBA and it will certainly grow bigger as LeBron retires and can focus on bringing his acumen to the business side of things. LeBron gets my vote for NBA Business MVP!
#2 Damian Lillard
Did you know that Damian Lillard is a rapper? I sure didn’t until I hear some of his fresh, fire tracks! As a lifelong Macklemore fan, I know a thing or two about what real flow sounds like and let me tell you that Dame has GOT IT. Opposing fans have cheered “soundcloud rapper!” at him. If I were Dame, I would say, “Thank you for the compliment” and turn and walk out. Like a bawse. There’s nothing more American than achieving your wildest dreams and not being satisfied, so I applaud Dame for his patriotism and capitalistic spirit!
#3 Russell Westbrook
When you are an owner and businessman, you need to know how to assert yourself. Russell Westbrook is all about assertion. When you want to be respected, the first step is to control the narrative. Russ not only grabbed a compelling narrative by the horns, he dragged that narrative all the way the the MVP. That’s what makes a successful businessman, not letting something as stupid as results or consensus get in the way. No, a business leader finds a way to make everyone believe in themselves as much as they do!
#4 Wendy’s (Sponsored)
A redhead who’s long on taste, but efficient on “three dollar percentage” Wendy’s would be the perfect NBA player if they had a corporal body. I love that Wendy’s twitter account and I often wonder where Joe Harris’s career would be if he had one tenth of the personality that the Wendy’s twitter account did! (Joe, here’s a free one, say “Me when I start” and use a gif of Titus from Kimmy Schmidt doing Beyonce. Epic frickin’ win!) Wendy’s would not only be an All-Star on delicious fresh never frozen patties, they would also be a great owner based on their frugal pricing and unbeatable customer service.
Also next time you are in the Orange NJ, Wendy’s location please help me get in touch with the manager Garth. He’s been screening my calls about native advertising in posts and the police said I can’t wait near his garage anymore.
#5 Boban Marjanovic
I’ve been polling women about what they look for in a man my entire life. Sometimes it’s in a bar, while I’m at a grocery store, or while I’m picking my son up from daycare, but I never let an opportunity to talk to a women slip by without looking them in the eyes and demanding to know their personal preferences. The ones who answer before putting their head down and walking away quickly always usually say “height”.
That’s right, it’s a fact of evolution that height commands respect, and who better to demand your esteem than the lovely giant Boban! All great business deals are done on the basis of gravitas and respect, and our own president is a shining example how how far someone can go by everyone giving him attention. Boban has the height to command that regard and his presence could easily fill up a board room and get that proposal passed as a hands-on CEO! If Bobon is selling stock low, I’m buying, because I know that guy will sell high!
Sam Sheehan is a graduate of Humberto de Alencar Castelo Branco School of Business (’15 M.B.A.) and the senior sportsfellow at the Steve Jobs Center for Dynamic Marketing Strategies. You can talk about Westworld and Billions with him on Twitter @SamSheehanNBA
